


Plant Bukkake

by GloriaMundi



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Community: kink_bingo, Multi, Public Sex, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-07
Updated: 2008-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-06 06:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriaMundi/pseuds/GloriaMundi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney's the only one smart enough to take antihistamines before a botany-oriented mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plant Bukkake

"Bless you. You know, if you'd taken my advice and grabbed some antihistamines, you wouldn't be --"

"Yeah, yeah," said Sheppard, jamming his index finger against his philtrum to suppress another sneeze.

The low cloud on P76-812 was a pale, hazy green that reminded Rodney of hospital waiting rooms, and the heavy humid air was making his head ache. There was no indication that the planet had ever been inhabited, but the native plant life -- ferociously green with waxy red and orange flowers, panting out oxygen and spurting pollen from their huge stamens -- was, according to Parrish, extremely interesting. He and Katie were busily bagging samples, presumably in the hope of a more scientific conclusion than 'really something'. Teyla was standing near them, one hand on her gun, the other pressing a white handkerchief against her nose. There was a flower tucked behind her ear, which wasn't going to help with the hayfever.

Sheppard sneezed again. "Crap," he said. From across the clearing came an echoing sneeze: Ronon, with his P90 at the ready in case the botanists were rushed by -- what? Triffids? Pollinators? (Rodney tried not to think about the kind of _insects_ that might've evolved in this over-vegetated hellhole.)

"Bless you," said Rodney absently, watching Teyla and Katie laughing together. They were probably talking about him. Parrish wandered over to them and said something that made the two women laugh even more. Rodney scowled.

"Does Teyla seem a bit ... off to you?" said Sheppard quietly, leaning back against the nearest tree and rubbing his eyes.

"Allergies," said Rodney. "We're surrounded by fucking plants, and I mean that adjective quite literally. You'd have thought Teyla'd be immune, being a native of the Pegasus galaxy, but --"

"Not what ... I meant," said Sheppard, interrupting himself with another sneeze. "She's not usually that ..."

"... Friendly?" supplied Rodney, trying not to stare as Teyla swayed closer to Parrish. She put her hand on Parrish's shoulder, still laughing, and bumped her forehead against his cheek.

Katie, crouched over an especially sprawling fern-thing, was staring. There was more colour in her face than usual. She sneezed, dropped her knife and stood up, and Rodney took a step forward: then stopped, frowning, as Katie shouldered Teyla aside (Katie! _Teyla_!) and smiled shyly up at Parrish.

Rodney knew that smile: had been the recipient of it, and had thought he was the _only_ person Katie smiled at like that. He'd certainly never been on the receiving end of Teyla's wicked smile as she moved back in beside Katie, leaning up, the flower in her hair brushing --

"What the ...? Bless you," he added automatically.

"Ever read SG-1's mission reports, Rodney?"

"That was the Milky Way: I don't see --"

"The _complete_ reports, McKay," said Sheppard, sniffing.

"Yes, yes, of course I -- oh." Rodney swallowed. Maybe the antihistamines were dulling his brain. Maybe it was the headache. "_Sex pollen_?"

"You think?"

"I thought," said Rodney thickly, watching as Parrish sank to his knees and pulled the women down with him, "I thought they were, were making it up. As an excuse. For ... you know."

"Guess not," said Sheppard lightly. He touched his radio. "Ronon?"

Rodney couldn't hear Ronon's reply, but he saw him: striding through the knee-high vegetation, sending up a cloud of shimmery gold with each step, swiping his wrist across his face, heading for where Parrish and the women -- out of sight in the grass but not, alas, out of earshot -- were giggling and groaning.

"Katie!" said Rodney. "I, I'll just --"

Sheppard opened his mouth to argue, but started sneezing again, short sharp sneezes that left him breathless. Rodney sympathised, a bit. He headed for the al fresco orgy, trying not to kick up any more pollen: hadn't got more than halfway before Katie rose up from the greenery. He'd never seen her grin like _that_. He'd never seen her shirt unzipped quite that far, either, at least not outside her quarters. Her bra was pink and lacy against her flushed skin.

"Rodney!" she called. "Isn't this lovely?"

"No," snapped Rodney. "Bless you. We need to get out of here, Katie: it's not --"

"Colonel Sheppard!" trilled Katie, gazing over Rodney's shoulder. Rodney gave her an eyeroll (really, why was it always _Sheppard_ they went for?) and turned around.

"Sheppard, you better not --"

"Relax, McKay," said Sheppard. He was holding his P90 ready, presumably in case any of the glossy red flowers made a lunge for him, and he looked like he was about to sneeze again.

"Colonel!" said Katie, even more flushed now. "You look very ... hot. Why don't you come and sit down?"

Rodney caught a glimpse of a moving purple thing: turned his head and saw Teyla's top come to rest, sprawled over the curve of a leaf the size of a pizza box. He couldn't help peering round Katie, trying to see what was happening. Wasn't that Ronon, wrapping his muscly bare arms round Parrish? Was Parrish ...?

Katie obligingly stepped aside to give him a clear sightline. Stepped, Rodney realised, right into Sheppard's personal space, and put her hand on his arm. Sheppard looked nervous, but he didn't move away.

"Oh, for ... Colonel! You need to snap out of this right now!"

Sheppard wasn't listening. He'd lowered his gun, and he was touching Katie, pulling her closer, bending his head to ...

This was so unfair. What'd come over them all? (Parrish, by the sound of it. And Rodney really hadn't wanted to know what Ronon sounded like when he was getting blown.) Maybe there was something to Sheppard's pollen theory after all. Because Sheppard, even Sheppard was really going for it: not gentle and careful like he'd been with Chaya, but fierce and possessive, and that was so totally wrong. Not that Rodney didn't want to see Sheppard losing it, Sheppard ...

... Sheppard pawing at Rodney's _girlfriend_ in a public place (ok, nobody was looking, but they could've been) and running his long fingers down her sternum, brushing against the pink lace, pulling at the zipper of her shirt. Licking her mouth.

Rodney's head hurt; his eyes, despite the antihistamines, were itching; he could hear Teyla moaning and he didn't even want to think about what she was doing with Ronon and Parrish. Really didn't want to think about it. _Really_. Was that thunder in the distance? Right now, Rodney would've done a raindance if he'd thought it would work. A downpour'd wash the pollen out of the air, and bring the others to their senses. Though it was probably already too late for that.

He lunged forward and grabbed Sheppard's arm, hauling him away from a red-faced and dishevelled Katie. Sheppard _growled_, and Rodney backed up a step as Sheppard's hands came up.

"Hey, you don't want to hit me! I'm your friend!"

Except that last word got swallowed, swallowed down by Sheppard's mouth on Rodney's, and if this -- Sheppard holding his face still to kiss him, Sheppard close and warm and sweating -- was what it took to keep him off Katie then Rodney wasn't saying no.

Wasn't saying anything, couldn't say anything; could only open his mouth and let Sheppard in, hot and hungry and making those weird little noises like he was trying to be quiet but Rodney, _Rodney_ was turning him on too much. And yeah, maybe it was more than just not saying no. Maybe it was Rodney's whole body saying _yes_.

Right. Sex pollen. The fucking antihistamines weren't working. Or maybe Carson, the idiot, thought it'd be fun to give Rodney a placebo instead. Maybe Carson _knew_ about the bloody plants: maybe the botanists had worked it out from the initial samples, and they'd been planning this.

Sheppard pulled back from the kiss and sneezed against Rodney's shoulder, which should have been gross but reminded Rodney that _he_ still wasn't sneezing. Right. Maybe not the pollen. Not for him, anyway.

Which meant one of them was doing this because he, because he wanted --

He let Sheppard's weight carry him down onto the grass. Let Sheppard's tongue push into his mouth, Sheppard's erection press against Rodney's own (when the fuck had that happened? Who'd he been looking at?). The grass smelt like summer, Sheppard smelt of sweat and cologne and mineral oil, and Rodney wondered if he should see where Katie'd got to, but found he didn't give a damn. He wasn't about to share.

Something heavy hit Rodney's arm, and he arched up against Sheppard. There was another soft, cool impact. Another; then all at once, everywhere that Sheppard wasn't covering him, there was water splashing against his hands and his shirtsleeves. He could hear the rain drumming on broad sturdy leaves, hear the hiss of it coming down. Practically _see_ the green-gold haze of pollen leaching out of the air. He tried to stop kissing Sheppard: managed to slow things down a bit, even though he wanted Sheppard's hands on his skin, wanted rain and skin and heat, wanted _Sheppard_.

Across the clearing, he could hear raised voices. Katie didn't sound so cheery now.

"Hey," said Sheppard, staring down at Rodney. His hair was wet with rain, but it still stuck up like crazy.

"Hey," said Rodney nervously, because this was pretty much the morning after, and he never knew what to say. "How, how are you feeling?"

Sheppard tilted his head, considering. "I'm good," he decided.

"You, er ..." Rodney lay as still as he could, trying to ignore the warm provocative weight and interesting contours of Sheppard's body. "I guess you were right. About the pollen. Plant bukkake, haha." Sheppard quirked an eyebrow. "If you'd taken some antihist--"

"Relax, Rodney," said Sheppard, just lying there stretched out on top of Rodney as though he were an especially luxurious mattress. "Anyway, the drugs didn't stop you being affected."

"Er," said Rodney. "I'm sorry, okay? But you were pretty insistent, even though I know it's not something you would've done if you hadn't been --"

"You reckon?" said Sheppard again, right against Rodney's mouth. "I told you I read the reports." And he was rolling, pulling Rodney down, pulling him close, pulling him free.

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> Written for **kink_bingo** for the **public sex** prompt.


End file.
